Have a seat, preferably on a toilet. Because we have news so shocking that you are likely to evacuate your bowels upon reading it. Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. Oh. My. God.

The 16-year-old little sister to earth's grisliest train wreck announced her bun in the oven to the fearless journalists at OK! Magazine. Once word hit, searches on Jamie Lynn surged a whopping 4,023%. Not bad, but the man who impregnated the young starlet experienced an even bigger spike. Boyfriend Casey Aldridge rose so high that we can't find a large enough number. Really.

Also jumping on the joyous news: "zoey 101" (Jamie Lynn's Nickelodeon sitcom), "lynne spears," (mother to the expectant mother), and "jamie lynn spears pictures." Interest in all those terms is sure to remain strong over the next, oh, eight or nine months. In the meantime, somebody tell K-Fed he's about to become an uncle. Ugh.